Possible: Stu Price 1, BL 2, O2 3, NO 10.
Likely: New Order keep touring and bullshitting about new stuff for Christmas. Forum users dribble every time Bernard says the words 'new' and 'material' in the same decade.
Likeliest: New Order keep touring. The Light do 8-year-long gigs every day. Paul Morely keeps writing bollox.
When they first touted a new release I suggested 2015 at the very earliest and the reaction was generally, Don't piss on my bonfire you whinging git. It has to be...
My predictions:
Hooky attempts a 26-hour gig every day and goes into a time warp. He does every single Warsaw - JD - NO - Revenge - Monaco - Freebass - one-off collaboration, including 'The Trouble With Girls' featuring Jack on backing vocals, and when he reaches 'Lost Sirens' he takes a three-second breather and then starts all over again. This leaves him with 3 free seconds a day: he spends 2.999999 of them slagging off NO and the rest on beauty sleep. By Summer he gets bored of calling Bernard 'Twatto' and starts calling him 'Cunthole' instead.
NO do essentially the same set at extravagant (i.e. fucking expensive) festivals. Every four months they dig out an oldie and every eight months they showcase a newbie and this makes the fans disproportionately overjoyed.
NO sign to Parlophone, leading to 36 articles, 37 forum threads and no new releases. Instead they put out 'Scrotal: From JD to the Other Two', which is unique as it's the only compilation to include 'Tasty Fish'. It comes in a limited edition of 57530462876549987544333369000776787936284631857444609875457654825046174836274194628 copies for a limited period of 528 decades, with 539-page liner notes by Paul Morely, 'Schopenhauer, Sylvia Plath and Socrates: New Order's 'Jetstream'.'
Gillian manages to say a whole sentence without giggling, looking at the floor and wiping her hand across her forehead. Stephen looks an interviewer in the face and writes his autobiography, 'I am Monkey'.
Faber and Faber and Faber publish 'Perm My Hair: The Collected Notebooks of Bernard Sumner', a fascinating insight into the creative progress from 'What are you doing?' through 'Wotcher doing?' to 'Wotcher doin'?'
Record Day sees the Christmas flexi rereleased on vinyl in June and people spend £73.62 on it even though it's shit, you can hear it for zilch on Youtube anyway and no one's had a turn-table since 1639.
Rocket Mick forgets to say 'Thank you' for a post.
Edited by user 31 December 2014 04:14:29(UTC)
| Reason: Stuff I forgot